Uncommonly candid observations on relationships: Let it come to you

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By Marcia Gloster


If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.” —Khalil Gibran

When I was a young woman, you never called a guy—it just wasn’t proper. You simply waited, wished he’d call, and hoped you were home when he did. In the 1960s, “proper” was tossed out the window. No one worried about who was calling whom in a free-love society where couples barely knew each others’ names—never mind their phone numbers—when they jumped into bed.

Today, it’s generally considered acceptable for women to take the initiative. But, should you? Suppose you’ve met someone you like, given him your number, and yet he hasn’t responded. Most of us would probably just call and say, “Hi, want to go for a drink?” Sometimes that’s enough, but what if you go out, think you got on well, and then, again, he doesn’t call? Now what? Do you push, or not?

I say, not.

Let’s be honest, men are hunters. The implications of this evolutionary legacy, which goes back thousands of years, has been well documented by both scientists and relationship experts.

Your date knows how to reach you and, if he wants to, he’ll get in touch. Wait for it; let him come to you. You may be dying to speak to him; you may even be thinking you can seduce him—on the phone as well as off. But don’t do it. Please wait. If he does call, be happy; don’t remind him it’s been two weeks. What’s important is that he’s reached out to you. Also, try not to be always available; let him hunt. I promise he’ll call again and he’ll be even more interested.


However, if he doesn’t make contact, let it go. If you have to convince a guy that he likes you, it’s not going to work. And don’t attempt to trap him with sex; you’ll walk away feeling anxious and empty. When a guy doesn’t call, face it: he’s not interested.


There’s a popular, modern version of Khalil Gibran’s words: “If you love somebody, let him go, for if he returns, he was always yours. If not, hunt him down and kill him.” Personally I don’t suggest it. Better to go out and meet someone new who will be interested enough to call or text you in the next day or so.


One more thought about men as hunters. Years ago, when I was thirteen, my mother told me, “Always stand aside from a gaggle of girls.” Why? The hunter goes for the one who separates from the pack. Over the years, I found she was correct. Few men, even today, dare to break that circle.


Marcia photo

Marcia Gloster is the author of 31 Days: A Memoir of Seduction



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On January 30, 2015
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